Indra’s Drishtikona (Viewpoint)

Marriage- Reminisces and Reflections

Posted : May 20, 2006 at 11:17 am [IST]

From Pipra via Hind Motor and Salt Lake to San Francisco
They say marriages are made in Heaven. We Hindu believe, it is predestined as everything else. On May 20 (legally on May 19 at San Francisco City Hall), Anand gets married to Shannon in Santa Clara. And I go down my memory lanes to capture the marriages in this small family over the years.

Child marriage that never happened: I was getting married when my age was in single digit. It was a marriage that my the-then teacher, Ganga Dayal Pandey wanted to force on me. The girl was from his family. My grandfather had appointed him for teaching us- my uncle and myself. I used to respect him a lot for his devotion to teach us. He made us vegetarian and built in other moral values and nationalism in us. He wanted that favour in lieu of his teaching us, perhaps as ‘guru dakshina’. My grand father had also agreed. As my elders told me later when I grew, I was very happy with my getting married, though I perhaps didn’t know even the meaning of marriage. But something happened, and the girl side didn’t appear on the ‘Tilak’ day when my uncle and myself were to be engaged.

Arranged (Forced) marriage: Once differed, it came only the year I appeared for the school final examination in 1955. I had come to my village after the examination. Many started approaching my grandfather’s younger brother for my marriage. But he had given commitment to my wife’s father earlier itself. He had married his son in a family in the village of my mother. That family had helped us in getting the property of my maternal grandfather who didn’t have any issue other my mother. It was basically pressure from the interrelated families. I tried my best to stop the marriage, but all my pleading went in vain. Even my grandfather who was with me finally gave consent. So I got married on June 14, 1955. As was the practice till then, I did not know whom I am marrying and how she looked like.

Remotely arranged marriage: And then the next marriage came in the family in year 1993. It was of Rakesh, the eldest son with Alpana. Kamakhya, the adopted brother of the mothers of Alpana and Rakesh was the pursuer. Parents of Alpana had met me in Tisco Guest House along with her. I liked Alpana (Nuti). She visited our house at Hind Motor too. So we all- Yamuna, Rajesh, Anand, and myself proposed first to Rakesh in US, and then pressurized him to agree to marry Alpana. They started talking with each other on phone. Marriage got fixed for January 27, 1993. It happened to be on a ‘Vasant Panchami’ and the birthday of Alpana too. And the remotely arranged marriage became the first one when I did everything in my capability to make it grand. We organized a ‘Shiva Yagya’ at Salt Lake that culminated with a feast for Brahmins and relatives on the day Alpana and Rakesh had the court marriage at Taj Bengal. We had also organised ’tilak’ at Flat 4, Hind Motor on the same day. We went to Jamshedpur in a grand convoy of 10-12 cars courtesy Hindustan Motors. After few days, when Rakesh could arrange the visa for Alpana, they left for US.

Arranged and consented marriage: And the next marriage was the traditionally arranged one. Janardan Sharma sent the resume of Shephali for Rajesh, my second son without realizing that we were batch mates at IIT, Kharagpur. He came and met Rajesh. We met Shephali at Taj Bengal. She came along with Rajesh whom we had sent to pick her up. They liked each other and started meeting too. And then the marriage was fixed for May 30, 1997. We drove to Sitarampur for the traditional marriage. With Fomra ghost at the back of mind and my impending retirement from HM, it was a smaller affair. We left them to live at AJIRA, CJ 120 Salt Lake (Kolkata) and shifted to Noida in June 1997.

Inter- nation(al) marriage: And then comes this marriage of Anand with Shannon, perhaps an inter-nation (al) marriage. They might have been seeing each other while at work in CISCO. We returned to India living with Anand for almost six-month in July 31, 2005. Sometime in October 2005, Anand informed us about his choice of Shannon as his life partner. We were the happiest. As in everything, he took his this decision also by himself. At one time, it was thought that marriage ceremony would be in India in June. But realizing the difficulty of arranging marriage in summer with totally unpredictable power outages, Anand took the right decision to have it in US itself. It is getting held at Hindu Community and Cultural Center, Shiva-Vishnu Temple, Livermore, CA 1232 Arrowhead Ave. Livermore with all the traditional fanfare of Indian marriage. We have sent some bare minimal gifts for Shannon and Anand. Because of our health, we decided to bless from them from here in India. With 9 out of a family of 11 in US, I think this has been the most prudent decision. Rakesh and Alpana, the eldest in the family, must learn to take the responsibility of the head of the family after me. Alpana is excellent at organizing functions. I feel very happy that they have undertaken the task along with Rajesh and Shephali. I feel really obliged to them. We, at Noida today are organizing a special lunch at Anand Niketan Vridh Sewashram, Noida. At Pipra, my village home, my uncle and aunty are organizing a Satya Narayan Puja. And then we are praying for and blessing the couple from here.
I shall like to share the part of blessing that I sent to them on the occasion: “Let the Great give you the depth of Pacific, height of Everest, and the attractiveness of Taj.”

So thus the marriages are decided in Heaven, if there is one.

PS. I have taken the liberty to talk about the marriages of my sons. They must excuse me if something is not to their liking. But I wanted to tell the story which is of an ordinary middle class Indian with many dreams.

- Indra

Category: Religious/Social issues |